First of all...I have lots of things to say about Dave's funeral, but I'm exhausted both physically and emotionally from the whole ordeal (I can only imagine what his family's going through). I called in yesterday because I just couldn't get out of bed. So I think I'll wait a little while and post some thoughts later. Besides, y'all were total troopers for getting through those last few posts. Thanks to [ profile] meyerlemon for the much needed and quite funny distraction.

Now...for some thoughts on last Friday's Battlestar Galactica.

2.04 Resistance )
Well, here I go. I wish it wasn't raining.
I know my mind should be on Dave's family...but all I can think about right now is how this crap-hole I'm staying in doesn't have I'm going to miss BSG. I'm recording it at home, but it'd really be nice to get to watch it tonight. A little comfort amidst the chaos. Yes, I'm going to hell.

This is really one of the first adult ventures I've undertaken. Yes, I pay my bill and go to work, but other than that, I'm pretty much one of those people who never stopped living their childhood. Well, the flight was fine, but my seat was 12D and it was the last seat on the plane, if that's any indication of how small the plane was. I hate window seats, so that's exactly what I got. But the flight was smooth thanks to Captain Chatty (seriously, this guy talked a lot).

Rental car place was fine, although, the lady asked if I was renting the car for business or leisure. Well, that's not really much of a choice. It's a hundai (sp?) sonata. It has a sunroof (whee)! Although when I was driving back from dinner, the check engine light came on. I think it's me. I think I cause the check engine light, not an actual engine problem (mine has been on for 3 years).

Luckily, everything is pretty close to the airport. I checked-in to the motel next. It is truly a disaster. I knew coming in that this was not going to be the Ritz, but ewww. This is a place that I would ask for my money back if this wasn't a packaged deal. It was cheaper to buy the ticket and the motel than just the ticket. Oh well, it's just a place to sleep and bathe.

I rested for a while and got dressed to go to the funeral home. That's when it kind of hit me. I really didn't want to go, but I wanted to see Melissa, so I sucked it up and went, giving myself the "be strong" pep talk the whole way.

I wasn't sure I was going to be able to be in the room with Dave, but I saw Melissa and it was okay. I made a beeline for her. She was happy to see me, surprised I made it. Seeing Dave was easier than I thought... I didn't go up to the coffin...but he really didn't look like the Dave I knew, he had a lot of weight gain from the chemo, and he had much longer hair when we lived in Texas.

Melissa was the only person I knew there, and I'm a horrible people person, so I bolted after about 30 minutes. I didn't break down until I got back to the car, so...small victory.

My friend Gonzo is driving down from Chicago...I'm really excited that I won't be alone tomorrow.

If you have a spare thought tomorrow...think about me. Or at least, think "don't cry all day, Kelly."

Okay, gang.

Aug. 5th, 2005 10:13 am
I'm off to Cincinnati for Dave's funeral. I should have my Sidekick with me, but I'm not sure how out of state charges work, so I may be on or may not. One of my friends from Chicago is coming for the funeral, so I won't feel so alone. Which is great. I was a little nervous about doing this by myself. Being an adult kinda sucks.

BTW, [ profile] bonedaddybruce, if you took one of my shifts, I really appreciate it. (I was going to say I'll make you cookies when I get back, but that's too many carbs, huh? Some other treat that's diet friendly.)

I've done nothing but cry for the last hour.

I had this big post about all the cool stuff that's happened over the last three weeks and how awesome things are.

I just got an email letting me know that my friend Dave died last night. Now, I can't say this was unexpected because he had a brain tumor and his health had been steadily declining in the last few weeks. But, I can say, that a lot of who I am now is because of Dave. He was my Technical Director for most of my college years. He taught me about 95% of what I know about theater. He's the reason I love Barenaked Ladies. He's the one who let me know it was okay to be myself (who else but Dave would wear a skirt on a mostly Republican, redneck campus? Answer, no one. And it didn't matter to him).

I drove to Cincinnati for his wedding. It's one of the only real road trips I've ever taken.

I believe I've only seen pure joy once. It was on the day Dave told me that Melissa was pregnant. "I gonna be a daddy," he whispered.

I tried to find a picture to share with y'all, but they're packed in my trunk and I'm trying to sort through them, but I can't right now.

He moved back to Ohio before Caroline was born to be close to his family. Which turned out to be good because he was diagnosed with the cancer just after she was born.

I really don't know why he moved to Texas, but I could not have been blessed more by that decision.

He visited here with his parents and Melissa and Caroline. It was awkward for me because I was in a job I hated that had nothing to do with theater and I was embarrassed. I wish I had just spent the time catching up and feeling like I was with a friend, instead of feeling defensive like I was being judged. It was the last time I saw him in person.

I wish I had written him more, laughed with him more, told him I loved him just once more.

Last month was his 40th birthday. I sent him a card.

If you've hung on with me this far, I'm impressed. Can you please just say something that will make me laugh? You can make fun of my unusually large calves and small ankles or tell me how you kicked someone in the balls last night (sorry, it's on the brain right now, I read something I was going to share with you, but.) Sorry, I just typed. I had to get it out.

I need a hug. And maybe my mom.



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