Jun. 25th, 2010 07:44 pm
It was brought to my attention (last week) by [livejournal.com profile] abigail89 that I haven't been around the last month. SORRY.

First and foremost, I've been digesting my situation. I am okay most of the time. One of my friends' partner (a New Yorker who also happens to be a Corrections Officer) spoke really frankly to me about moving out sooner than I anticipated. She told me that I needed to be out of this house by Thanksgiving, because I needed to make new Christmas traditions. Since I was really struggling with the thought of spending Christmas here, that was something I really needed to hear. I'll be getting my storage unit next week, and sitting down with Alex, who's going to help me set my goals. Thank heaven for her.

Secondly, my mom and her friend Mary came to visit! We had a spectacular time. WE GOT TO SEE THE CRAWLER COMING DOWN THE HILL FROM PAD 39A GOING BACK TO THE VAB. I PROMISED JULIE PICTURES. I'll post them eventually. We hit Animal Kingdom and Epcot. It was so hot we really didn't get to do as much as I usually do with guests...but they had a great time, so I don't really care. Next time they come, I'll be in my new place!

Also went to Rochester for my goddaughter's second birthday. Had a great time, as well. It was nice just to be away and relax (even though a lot of the week wasn't really relaxing...).

Saw Shrek 4, Alice in Wonderland, and Toy Story 3. Fell asleep in the first two, bawled through the third. Oh, Andy.

[livejournal.com profile] thalialunacy is going to be here during Infinitus, so whether she wants to or not, she's taking me with her to meet the con folks, because I'm not missing the chance to hug [livejournal.com profile] abigail89 IRL.

IDK what else...I've been working a lot. Not working out a lot :(. I started a rewatch of The West Wing. OMGBBWHITEHOUSESTAFFERS.

My sisters will be here in July! \o/

SYTYCD...I'm finally caught up. I love that they got rid of the video wall. The lighting designer this year KILLS. I wasn't so sure about the All Stars. It does produce some great results...but we also don't have a lot of connection or awkward dances. I really don't have a favorite yet. The girls are so blah and the guys are so great. I got attached to Alex during Season 5, so I hope he continues to grow. And Kent is so fucking hilarious. I have a feeling he'll be a finalist, no matter how he does.

Okay, well, I'm working 27 hours this weekend, so I'll see you soon, bbs!
So, we went to dinner. Mike didn't have much to say. Matt and I made a little conversation. I paid because they've been feeding me, and have paid the last few times I've been out with them. I know I'm saying this a lot, but IDEK. Let's move on.

[livejournal.com profile] abigail89 tagged me:

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 4-7 sentences on your LJ along with these instructions.
5. Don't you dare dig for that "cool" or "intellectual" book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest (unless it's too troublesome to reach and is really heavy. Then go back to step 1).
6. Tag five people.

The closest book to me was the last one I finished, The Battle of the Labyrinth, Book Four of Percy Jackson and the Olympians.

Then last year Apollo said something about the old god Helios disappearing and leaving him with the duties of the sun god. I'd never thought about it too much, but now, looking at Briares, I realized how terrible it would be to be so old - thousands and thousands of years old - and totally alone.

"I must go," Briares said.

"Kronos's army will invade camp," Tyson said. "We need help."

Briares hung his head. "I cannot, Cyclops."

I don't want to tag anybody. Please consider yourself tagged if you would like to participate.
love meme

I hope I did this right...IDEK.

So, I'm having dinner with Matt and Mike tomorrow night. This will either be really great or a total disaster.

I've ridden 22 miles so far this week! Woo!
If, in the last week and a half, you comforted me, told me you loved me, gave me advice, called my roommate some variation of jerk, or told me I CAN DO IT, I love you more than you know. Thank you for your kind words.

If you are [livejournal.com profile] starsfell, I could bake sugar cookies every day for the rest of my life and it wouldn't even make a dent in what I owe you for listening to me cry, taking me to KSC, letting me be nosy about your bills, saving a turtle, planning future IKEA trips, and just generally being awesome.

I am feeling better. (Although, strangely, not today.) I got to spend some time alone with Mike while Matt was in church on Sunday. I don't know. I go from being really okay to still burned. I feel like I lost my best friend but gained two good friends. IDEK.

My mantras for the foreseeable future:
You didn't do anything wrong.
It will be okay.
You can do it.
Not changing friends means understanding friends change.
A new place means new stuff!

My mom will be here with her best friend Mary on Tuesday, and I don't have a day off between now and then, so there will be a lot of late night cleaning. I can do zat.

Also, I didn't get a chance to say this right after it happened (since my world, you know, imploded), but I had a YES program two weeks ago with eighth graders, and one of them LOOKED LIKE TINY ROBERT DOWNEY JR. HE HAD TRANSITIONS GLASSES AND EVERYTHING. AND HIS NAME WAS KOSTA. IT WAS AMAZING. I WANTED TO SQUISH HIM.
I just got off the phone with my mom. I had debated telling her about having to move. She'll be here on the First and I didn't want the news to be a downer for her trip. But, we were chatting on FB and I just wanted her love. So, I told her. And we talked for almost an hour. And I think I convinced her not to fly to Florida for the express purpose of twisting Matt's head off. (She actually asked if I wanted her and Mary not to come...totally preposterous. I NEED AN ADULT.)

It is what it is. She knows. I feel "better."

I've taken a melatonin and some nyquil...Will and Jack and Elizabeth will be seeing me off to bed.
centerspire: ([ff] Once in flight school I was laconic)
I'm "happy" to report that I'm doing much better than my last post. I'm finally getting over my cold. I'm still exhausted emotionally, physically, and mentally.

Thank God for good friends with cool heads. I had lunch with Alex on Monday. She told me many, many things. All of which I needed to hear. Most especially, that it's not my fault. I went to KSC with [livejournal.com profile] starsfell on Tuesday, and she, of course, soothes my soul in a way I can't describe. [WHO SAYS BEING A GQMF DOESN'T HAVE IT'S PERKS?]

I'm now looking forward to living alone. Buying a ridiculous amount of home goods from IKEA. And many other things (not the least of which, running the dishwasher when I want).

I'm not looking forward to packing. Finding eight years of belongings in mingled places. Of finding an apartment. Of moving. Of being alone.

Yes, I know I'm not alone.

I'm still very upset. But not at having to move. I'm upset at losing my best friend, even though we still live in the same house.

I know I will be okay. I know a lot of things can happen in a year. It still doesn't really feel like it right now.
So, I haven't been willing to talk about what's been upsetting me for a couple of months. But, it came to a head today and I have to get it out or I will make bad choices.

In which I feel like Season Two Dan Rydell mixed with Kurt Hummel...tl;dr )

I'm going to bed now. I have to be at work early. I will be okay. It doesn't feel like it now, but I know I will.

[livejournal.com profile] starsfell and I are hanging out on Tuesday. I cannot wait.



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